Recent COMMENTS from Neurotypical & Autistic Spouses
Hi Mark, Thank you so much for your work and for using your gift to bless us and so many others! Your YouTube videos have helped my husband, Chris, and I feel seen and you speak his language which makes things palatable for him. And you make us laugh!! Thank God for some comic relief!
==========
Mark, After the first class with you, I had the best week of my marriage. I really have made personal changes and I am striving daily to make more personal changes. However, I know the guidance you offer the husbands can make our marriage more healthy.
==========
THANK YOU SO MUCH for today's session. I absolutely love that you are so DIRECT and CONCISE. Extremely happy to have come across your work despite how intense it is for me to digest the ramifications of all this new awareness. I was lost in crazy making tar baby interactions which seemed " wrong " " bizarre" " Unexplainable " " frightening " ...and it is bonkers that in all my hunting around I did not encounter ASD1 ...Aspbergers material esp re couples NT/ ND... So much makes sense now. He and I were not speaking the same language even tho it was " English".... Now I have a way to begin to possibly translate what he says and does and why.....and the best chance of ,maybe improving communication.
I understand I have to forget about what most people are looking for with a partner..." someone who gets me and has my back and we are compatible and we trust each other and have all this safety and emotional nurturance between us...lifting each other up, sharing the hard times and the wonderful times, having memories to share together, building something together and the satisfaction of raising our daughters and enjoying the fruits of our labors" I understand he has no concept of that even though he can tear up watching a chick movie like that ...somehow it does not translate to me and him...he does not connect the two at all....except somewhere inside himself and it does not " occur " to him to acknowledge that and celebrate it with his partner.
The no expectations is key for me. Also obviously getting my needs met elsewhere which so far I have been unsuccessful at because I was too ashamed to tell people what I was going through except therapists who unfortunately apparently don't know anything about ASD1....which I find shocking actually...I mean how can you do couples' counseling w/o having a grasp that might be an issue with the people in front of you !
==========
Mark, you are the godsend i have been waiting for for 38 years of marriage. Objectifcation of females, alcohol and drugs have been his anxiety reduction strategies. Its embarrassing, harmful and my life as a Christian wife is lonely. These things replaced me on our wedding day. He still prefers them over me. Hes completely addicted. He doesn't see any worth in me and my self esteem is gone.
==========
Dear Mr. Hutten,
My name is D.H., MD and I am a Board-Certified Psychiatrist. I am 57 years old and I’ve been practicing medicine for 27 years. I am writing to you to thank you for the wonderful videos you have made regarding Asperger’s/ASD Level 1. My wife and I have probably watched most all of them by now and I am fortunate that I stumbled across your videos in the past.
I first became aware that I too suffered from Asperger’s when my youngest son was about 7-8 years old and was recognized as showing symptoms of high functioning Autism. I had a light bulb moment where I realized I also have suffered with Autism my entire life. It was an epiphany because my life finally made sense. I never understood why school, academics and even college and medical school had all been a piece of cake for me and so easy but my personal life, and specifically my social relationships, had always been so horribly painful.
I have been married and divorced 3 times and I am currently married and celebrating our 12th anniversary soon. It was early in my current marriage that I realized I have Asperger’s and all 3 of my male children also suffer with it to varying degrees. Since understanding my own Autism, I have naturally been able to help my patients better who are also on the Autism spectrum.
I just wanted to reach out when I came across your email address and say thank you because there has been nothing in my personal journey that has helped me more than watching your videos. My wife and I are both grateful to you and I wanted to let you know the positive influence you have had on my life and marriage.
~ D.H., MD
==========
Mark, You are a Godsend to so many women out there suffering, including me. I love your videos they are full of wisdom, clarity and useful tips. Thank you so much for this one, especially! My hubby refuses the possibility of ASD but ticks pretty much every box. God has been my strength for so many years and I've learned to stop trying to "have the talk" (as there is no point) and hande it all over to God. He does comes through and helps us through the crazy storms. But it's a massive battle, daily. Keep the good work, Mark. We are thankful, God bless you!
This is the most helpful video I have watched so far. The Lord is working through you Mark. I can't thank you enough for your help and encouragement.
Dear Mr. Hutten,
My name is Donald Hinton MD and I am a Board-Certified Psychiatrist. I am 57 years old and I’ve been practicing medicine for 27 years. I am writing to you to thank you for the wonderful videos you have made regarding Asperger’s/ASD Level 1. My wife and I have probably watched most all of them by now and I am fortunate that I stumbled across your videos in the past.
I first became aware that I too suffered from Asperger’s when my youngest son was about 7-8 years old and was recognized as showing symptoms of high functioning Autism. I had a light bulb moment where I realized I also have suffered with Autism my entire life. It was an epiphany because my life finally made sense. I never understood why school, academics and even college and medical school had all been a piece of cake for me and so easy but my personal life, and specifically my social relationships, had always been so horribly painful.
I have been married and divorced 3 times and I am currently married and celebrating our 12th anniversary soon. It was early in my current marriage that I realized I have Asperger’s and all 3 of my male children also suffer with it to varying degrees. Since understanding my own Autism, I have naturally been able to help my patients better who are also on the Autism spectrum.
I just wanted to reach out when I came across your email address and say thank you because there has been nothing in my personal journey that has helped me more than watching your videos. My wife and I are both grateful to you and I wanted to let you know the positive influence you have had on my life and marriage.
Donald Hinton MD
Thank you Mark. You are an absolute Godsend! Newbie 4mths into a relationship with an Aspie man. I got 1 mth of good behaviour before the Narc behaviours started. I knew he was Aspie 4 yrs ago when we became friends. I had NO IDEA what that meant in a relationship. Once I stood up his behaviours the push back was full on. 3mths of brutal projection, gaslighting all in every conversation everyday!! Now everything is my fault and I'm a ball breaker. I've tried breaking up with him but the guilt trip is the worst. I think this is worse than Narc abuse as they are just so unaware of anything they do. I can't do much more than this my mental health has declined so much in 3 mths!! Thanks to everyone who shares their story. It helps to know I'm not alone. I feel like I'm going insane.
Mark God bless you for your research on this matter this is a very intense wise counsel
This was SO helpful. Im clearly suffering with Cassandra Syndrome because of the relationship. Im struggling so much and his behaviour has actually made me sick. When I start talking about my needs and my feelings he ghosts me big time and says I'm busting his balls. And so the cycle is so hurtful!! It's not even a relationship anymore and he just can't see it. He just blames me flat out. So thank you Mark again. I am learbing so much from your videos. I thought I was losing my mind and going crazy. People around me have noticed my mental health decline rapidly in 3 mths. I can't go on with this anymore but he's so beautiful and I love him so much but Im suffering so much. I totally stopped taking his brutal comments personally and it felt better, so that was positive. Now he's noticed a sudden change today so if only I could get him to listen to these videos or get him onto the Zoom group it would be so good. I really dont think he would.
=============================
Greetings from Spring, Texas, Mark,
Realizing how busy you must stay, I hope you will forgive me for writing you a letter of gratitude. I just wanted to let you know your very educational videos and well-written book have probably saved my 41-year marriage to my very Aspie husband, David. These videos are also helping my sister-in-law (and best friend), DiAnne, who is married to his brother, Gary. DiAnne and I had each come to the end of our rope with our husbands when I stumbled upon your videos. I shared them with her. We both said "OMG" when we watched them as you have such a comprehensive understanding of what we are dealing with.
You are doing an amazing service to the NT wives of these ND men as it can feel very isolating and lonely knowing no one can truly understand the pain these marriages and relationships cause.
I am going in for Ketamine Infusions starting on Wednesday to try to reset my nervous system and heal the damage that my 41-year marriage to an Aspie has caused. I hope to stay with him till death do us part, but only time will tell if I can. He has a lot of good qualities, but the continual communication difficulties, and his lack of kindness due to his frustration and anger (the only emotions he seems to experience) have damaged my soul. I'm hopeful that between the Ketamine treatments and your online courses I can heal and gain a much-needed paradigm and attitude shift.
After watching your videos, I released the anger I have always felt towards him. You made me truly accept and believe he cannot help the way he came into the world. It has always felt so intentional on his part. We also have two adult sons with Aspergers that are high-functioning and brilliant (one a Pulmonologist and one an executive with Exxon) that are lovely human beings but struggle with Aspie traits. I do count my blessings, even though I did not realize what I was signing up for so many years ago. Thank goodness I had the epiphany three years ago that my husband also had this disorder. His entire family is riddled with it. Our relationship had never made any sense until I made the connection. I have literally spent my entire life searching for the "what" and "why" he and I cannot seem to get along or communicate. It is as if he speaks an entirely different language than the rest of us.
Something that might be of interest to you- Early last year, I asked my husband to get testosterone pellets implanted to perhaps increase his sex drive. For a solid year, we got along beautifully without more than one or two marital disagreements. He became a loving and easy-going guy last year. Unfortunately, his body rejected his last round of pellets and he could no longer tolerate them. When they wore off, he returned to his normal Aspie persona. Have you ever heard of testosterone being used to help these Aspie men? I wouldn't have believed it if I had not experienced it myself. I enjoyed a full year of the marriage of my dreams (out of 40 total years). I would do anything to get that person back. He is now concerned that taking injections or some other form of that hormone might lead to prostate cancer so he won't go down that road again. It makes me so sad to know it helped, but is out of reach now. I wish some medical research companies would do some testosterone trials on Aspergers men to see if that hormone can indeed make a difference in this very challenging disorder. If it wasn't the testosterone helping him, then his about turn last year is a complete mystery to me. Have you ever heard of testosterone being used to treat this disorder?
Your videos have educated me so thoroughly. I do not know how I never found them until yesterday. Having researched YouTube and the internet thoroughly for Asperger information, how is it that I had never seen your websites and videos?
DiAnne and I have signed up for your Cassandra sessions in December and look forward to the wisdom and support they will provide.
Thank you again and bless you for filling this much-needed role of educator, support system, and sanity-saver! If I am ever single again, I will be searching the world over for a man like you who truly understands this disorder. I would give you a hug if you were here in person ; )
Wishing you much success,
Janet
===============
I typed a huge thank you to you Mark, but my self consciousness got the better of me so I deleted it and am giving you the "cliff notes" version. In as many words as I am (poorly) capable of putting my thoughts into the English language to covey things, I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for opening my eyes to help me understand a bit better that I'm not just whack-a-do that no one really understands but I am (as I have suspected for a very long time) a high functioning autistic.I'm not religious but I feel you are doing gods work with this. Your cadence and tone are comforting and serve to help carry your message very well. I've been more than flirting with the "self delete" option my whole life and for the first time in my life I finally feel like I have hope and can get some help working with my affliction thanks to you.
Mark: thank you so much! You have once again given me much to think about and work on.
The hope that I get from your information is invaluable. I have been following you for 3 years and have come a long way and my Aspie and I are still in love and married!
Hi Mark,
I hope this email finds you well. I wanted to thank you so very much for all of your honest, detailed and informative videos on YouTube. They have helped me immensely with understanding my marriage over the past few years and have opened the door to understanding myself better.
Please keep up with the incredible content you produce, honestly, it is saving my sanity in what's becoming a completely impossible and soul destroying situation for both of us. I watch your content weekly and although some vids are really triggering to watch, they are critical to helping me understand what the * is going on and how its having such a huge impact on my health.
With profound thanks,
Emily
As per your wisdom in your videos, I know that there's a relationship i can have with him if he does those assurances, and there's a relationship we'll have if he doesn't offer assurances.
And as per your advice to NT wives to avoid getting sick (I'm in my mid 40's) I know that if I don't find my own way of re-connecting with some hope for my own life, I'll go down the path of more Cassandra symptoms and "lay my own trap" by waiting for assurances that might never come.
Thanks for all the work you do for ND couples. We would be divorced by now if it were not for your advice. We may still end up divorced but it will be from a place of awareness and grace and mercy if it comes. I care about him deeply, and I also have a lot of challenges being in an ND dynamic.
Right now, the grace and mercy is there and we are exploring- to see if we can stay together - but we've already agreed that if staying with him means my Cassandra stuff just gets worse and my health keeps deteriorating, we'll gracefully divorce because maybe for me, it's not possible to live with someone with level 1 autism.
I already developed sciatica which definitely came on in part due to how stressful the marriage was at that time.
I know you hear from wives all the time, and I don't want to clutter your inbox.
I wanted to say your work is a huge factor in me feeling more sane than insane!
Lisa
Dr Mark Hutten. I found him on YouTube and I took one of his classes. Saved my marraige. My husband finally got diagnosed last year. I was struggling with Cassandra Syndrome not knowing it existed. My husband's diagnosis let to my daughters. So thankful.
I truly appreciate your compassion and understanding of just how difficult and complicated a journey it can be to navigate this world being so different in so many ways and for so many varied reasons. Thank you, Mark, for all that you do! Love and light, as always, to you, your loved ones, and your audience! We need as much love and understanding as we can ALL get these days!
This man saved my marriage from just watching his you-tube videos. However, I’m going to sign up so I can get some tools in my tool box. Mark be head on it!!! He should be a billionaire because people lack knowledge but need sooo much help. Thank God for him!
What a God sent this is, you have a gift in this area and you are very generous with it. Thank you!
|
|
Rebecca Jackson life changing thank you so much. You are very wise and clearly an expert |
Chief
You are an actual saint
Jenny Ilsley because they can't. Trust me if they could, they would.
You must watch Mark Hutten's videos. I understood a lot after watching a few.
I now feel I have a really good relationship!
Good luck to you.
|
|
Christy Goodwin Mark thank you for sharing these valuable insights - so grateful for your acceptance to this call to educate |
|
|
forestsprite11 Oh Mark, you’re BRILLIANT. TOP-NOTCH knowledge, understanding, teaching/therapeutic skills… AND fantastic humor and comedic talent on top of it!! Thank you SO much for ALL you do for us!!! |
Thank you for these videos, I am new here and this has helped me so much in 5 minutes with 3 years of struggles! Thanks Mark <3
I have been married to what I now think is an ASD level 1. Just found your videos and now everything makes sense. Thank you.
this is life with my two ASD parents. You are a godsend, Mark. Thanks for helping me know I'm not insane.
@sherrishaw1751
I’m so thankful for mark . I get it now .. I love my aspie.
All 4 sessions can be replayed so you can still sign up for this 4 week series of 1 hour webinars that will help you take back your focus on you life and regaining your balance. Yesterdays session was great, very informative, he includes notes on the lectures and self discovery assignments to learn more about yourself within the relationship and to support your getting stronger in your life, in my opinion. Please join us.
Hi Mark,
I wanted to reach out to you today to thank you for the work you are doing with Neurodiverse Couples.
I came across your you tube videos a few years ago out of desperation to "fix" my marriage. I knew there was a huge disconnect but I didn't know what or how or even where to begin. I soon happened upon your videos. What I ended up discovering was groundbreaking for our relationship.
Things came to a peak over this summer when I lost both of my parents. This put considerable added strain on our marriage.
Your videos and website have been my go to in helping me understand the Neurodiverse relationship. And I have also learned alot of new things about myself and the things that I need to improve upon in the process. A sure win-win!
I have hope now, something I have not had in a long time.
I just wanted to thank you for that!
Happy Holiday's to you and your family!
Tiffonie Vincent
Canada
Good topic, but wow, does your voice make a difference! Could barely listen to the whole thing, the voice (AI?) was beyond annoying. One thing it really confirms - the way you speak, Mark, conveys so much compassion, understanding, and empathy for everyone involved in neurodiverse relationships that it's immeasurable. It makes me feel better just listening to you, so thank you for all the time you spend with us!............................ @markhutten yeah your voice is soothing.
Dave Rounds
This video brought me to tears; I was the ASD partner. I never knew until recently. And I will go to my grave carrying the crushing weight of the suffering I inadvertently caused for my partner of 10 years. Now, two years after the breakup, she still suffers from chronic conditions developed during our time together. I can't help but think it was related. She was a very kind woman who had an awful lot of bad luck in life, and she deserved only the best. I thought I was giving her the best, but I was only giving her MY best, which was amazing in most categories but fell completely short in emotional support at 0%. I only developed the ability to emotionally support her at the very end of our relationship via coaching and therapy, and by then, it was years too late. Thank you so much for this video Mark. Your content is phenomenal. To anyone reading this, Mark is an example of someone who knows what they're talking about. If you need more advice, talk to an expert like him. If I had heard these words a few years ago... Maybe my ex partner wouldn't still be suffering. Take good care of yourselves, all. I'm still working on forgiving myself. A long road ahead. But im hopeful.
Jaclyn Thrift
I am so thankful I found your page. No nonsense to the point REAL answers! My husbands diagnosis this year paired with your information has completely changed our marraige. I have bever felt so alive, validated and hopeful, thank you!!
@itsallgravy1002
You are welcome! Go ahead and brag! You have been a blessing to a lot of marriages. There are still good people left in this world
I have to say I'm glad I joined, it’s been the most helpful ever. I have been married to undiagnosed guy for 36 years and the gold nugget today for me was the advice about acceptance and re- injuring yourself. Have done this countless times. Thanks once again Mark, you are a life saver.
Best
Kathy
I am also so glad I found this group! You are just going to have to live forever, Mark, so we neurodiverse families can keep holding on.
Karen O'Shea
Thank you so much for this beautiful message you have sent out to many hurting people I am thankful that you have the knowledge and the compassion to be out there helping us on this difficult path that we are on God bless you and thank you for the courage that you give to us
These videos single handedly saved my marriage and now our daughter gets to grow up with the whole family neither one of got as kids. You are an earth angel! I hope life always brings you the best it has to offer. Thank you for sharing your knowledge
@sherrishaw1751
Love u . U saved my marriage now e can joke openly about our differences . I told my aspie hubs I would never ever want a normal hubs . Aspies make life better . Annoying yes but the good far outweighs the bad . They love so well and are experts in everything . They overlook our faults and are so positive , caring and giving .
Your videos changed my life. I spent the first 10 years of my marriage feeling that something was wrong, and thinking I must be “doing marriage wrong” if my spouse didn’t want to connect/talk/spend time with me. I was exhausted from trying one form of self-improvement or another, thinking if I made myself “good enough” he would go back to the attentive guy he was during our dating/courtship. Well when I stumbled upon your video series it explained EVERYTHING. He checks every box for ASD, but won’t discuss it with me. Your videos describe our dynamic to a T. Thanks to you, I was able to stop wasting time and money and energy in the wrong direction. At least now I know what “it” is, and can focus attention on understanding these dynamics. He still won’t discuss ASD with me, but at least I have information to help me understand. Thank you for your contribution to my life.
Hi Mark. Thanks for all your posts. You’ve helped me repeatedly over the past few years. You’ll never know how much difference you make to so many people. I agree that there’s many thousands of undiagnosed ASD adults. My husband was 67 years old and we’d been married 40 years before we finally realised what was actually our reality. Truly, I thank you for what you so freely give to people who are in despair and don’t know where to get help.
Guy Catullo
Thank you Mark. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate everything you’ve done to help me understand my disorder and what things I need to do. Unfortunately, sometimes our closest people don’t seem to understand the disorder, even though they say so, and still expect me to act like a Neurotypical. I’m compared against Neurotypical men all the time and what lands of happening is I get frustrated, I get overloaded. My anxiety goes to the roof and I either have a shut down or a tantrum. But knowing the things that you shared, I know that this is a normal behavior and I’m able to not get angry anymore, but use my strategies breathing, listen to music, walking several miles a day as ways to relieve that anxiety. Thank you again Mark your godson.
Glad I caught this today you are right on and I mean spot on and it really helped me to listen to that today I can't thank you enough and I can't imagine not having you online to look up you are a blessing to so many people struggling
Hello Mr. Hutten,
I prayed for some way to get understanding of what is happening with me.
I ran across your video (which I am sure was not coincidence). My prayer
was answered.
Wow Mark, talk about an overnight transformation. After studying your videos for months now and researching through various other sources, I am finally able to connect with my ND wife better than I ever have been able to before and satisfy my own very high emotional needs with her. It is amazing. I swear to God I wouldn’t have this with any other woman right now, I am high as hell off this girl now.
Thank you so much Mark not only is that a powerful message but the way you articulated it was right on I wish everybody could hear this it is definitely life-changing in one of the workshops I do I asked the participants to make a list of all the things that were most important to them many listed this way God children spouses Hobbies work and then I asked them to write down the percentage of time they spent on each one of those each week sad to say that their relationship to their spouse wasn't very high in the percentage of time spent in their week thank you again I listen often to your messages I pray God blesses you and your family for helping so many
You will not have any idea, how much you have helped me by sharing this video. I am very very very thankful!!!
Karen O'Shea
Thank you.Mark, I have to comment again.Another beautifully executed video to help us stay Sane. In our relationship with our A s d husban It is so hard. 40. Years in. He's a dear man and tries very hard. But empathy and emotions are zero. I listen to you all the time as you know. And i'm thankful you're there because I really feel that if I didn't have this to listen to I would feel like I was alone in the world. I cannot thank you enough.God bless you please keep doing this.
Thanks Mark for all your videos on ASD; I plan to inform my therapist about your contribution to this sprectum.
I also subscribed to your YouTube channel months ago. All that is wonderful and so helpful.
Hi Thanks to Mark Hutten for so much content. It helped me tremendously just to now know that Cassandra Syndrome has given me great relief. We have been marred 32 yrs. . I only suspected he is on the spectrum seeing a letter from his mom a few years ago asking about his “Asperger’s. I am now trying to get support now I have an explanation for my times with him of extreme anxiety.
I remember it being a huge relief to realise there were other people experiencing the same problems. I really thought I was alone! (And no doubt my husband felt the same). Mark’s videos have really helped me and my husband negotiate our relationship post-diagnosis and although the challenges will always be there, we have both learned so much and have a better way of relating and communicating now.
Suzanne Albanese online. Mark Hutten has many YouTube videos on ASD. He’s a therapist who specializes in autism and ND couples. He really gets it!! He has a Casandra Recovery class also for NT wives who have suffered in ND marriages. I took it and it was very helpful. I made several friends who are in the same boat and we keep in touch. Very much needed support.
My 2 boys were yelled at a lot by my husband when they were younger and I didn’t know about the ASD he has back then. In a Casandra recovery group meeting with Mark Hutten, he told me I should sit down with my boys (now 26&29) and explain why their dad behaved the way he did when they were growing up. That it is a developmental disorder in his brain that caused him to over react, get angry etc. but that he loves them so very much and always has. The way his brain is wired makes it difficult for him to communicate and process situations like we would. Mark said absolutely have a conversation with your kids, it’s never too late, as they may have a lot of resentment towards their dad. I think they do. I haven’t had a talk yet but plan on having one. I’d be honest with your kids and make sure they know he loves them more than anything but has this problem so he shows it in a different way. It’s not easy and as a mom it hurts beyond words to see this happening to your kids. My heart goes out to you. I also think your husband needs counseling if he hasn’t already. Maybe he would take Mark’s Master class. My husband did and it was very helpful. He’s made changes for sure. It’s still not OK for him to do this to his kids!!
Anyway, thank you for the work you are doing. I am watching your videos and they are the only thing I have now in my life. You provide hope and a spark THAT I NEEDED SO BAD.
When I think that I can’t take it anymore and I am ready to give up - I just go to your channel.
Thank you.
@michellecart5473
Just finished this video and every single time I finish one… I always feel like I just had a therapy session and therefore am inclined to send a $ thanks $ to Mark. We are in a position to do so and for those that aren’t no need to It’s amazing how much these videos are helping the quality of our lives …truly priceless and his delivery is everything because not only can my husband hear it, but I can! Much thanks Mark
